Stop Clamoring Already

Declan Loses at Animal Bingo.

2012-02-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

I probably had this coming..

True Confessions: Our Disney Cruise

2011-12-18T21:19:00.000-08:00

** There has been some clamoring for our Summer holiday report. I am doing a very detailed account of our trip, with a blog post for each day of our holiday, which may stretch far beyond your interest in someone else's vacation photos. It's just that I've just come to realize that I'm not making photo albums anymore, so this sorry blog might be it as far as family records go. Feel free to disregard at your leisure.

So this summer I decided to squander the last remaining shreds of my hipster credibility, and go on a Disney cruise. I don't know if this is dorkier than participating in the World Quizzing Championships which I also did this summer, but I sure know it's not cool. Ah well, it's kind of liberating to finally be free of the shackles of hipsterdom. At least now I don't have to expend any more precious energy pretending not to like Nikki Minaj. But I have to tell you, ask me about my ideal holiday and there will be nary a rodent in a tuxedo to be had. But having a three-year old changes a lot of things, and the manner in which one can pleasantly travel is one of them.

So while neither Shane nor I were really Disney fanatics growing up, we had been Disney Cruise Curious ever since our friends the James' went on one and came back raving about how nice everything was. Then our friend Liz came back from another cruise with tales of how while you sat down for your lovely four-course meal every night, kids' clubs employees would come and spirit your children away and then entertain them mightily. You had us at hello, Disney Cruise Line. The only hitch was your kid doesn't qualify as a kid until they are toilet-trained, and our THREE-YEAR OLD wasn't even close. So thinking we would go on a cruise out of Florida and combine it with a trip to DisneyWorld, I decided to ~~bribe~~ motivate Declan with the promise that once he was out of diapers we would go on a trip to where Mickey Mouse lives. Declan was tremendously excited by the prospect. I later figured out that he thought Mickey Mouse lives at the Chuck E. Cheese's on Rodney Parham.

There's a big rat on the sign, and I guess Declan's rodent identification skills aren't that refined yet, so he had somehow drawn the conclusion that all the wonders of Disneyland must reside there behind that humble storefront. I'd never taken him there because it's first Google review is entitled "Call the Health Inspector". I realized that this misunderstanding created for us the opportunity to make good on our DisneyWorld promise very, very cheaply, but I was averse to the prospect of Chuck E. Cheese. So I show Declan a picture of Cinderella's castle and tell him that's where we are going. The castle looks so darn magical that Declan really gets fired up to get potty-trained and get on over there.

But then I actually looked at the Disney cruise schedule and saw they had an option to cruise the Mediterranean, and that looked a little more exciting than DisneyWorld, so I was stuck again. Declan was expecting to go to Cinderella's castle as his reward for potty training. So we decided we'd take him to Barcelona and tell him that Mickey Mouse lives in the Sagrada Familias - eh close enough. Before you get all indignant about us cheating him out of his promised reward, in our defense I say, he's really not that good at using the potty either so we'll call it even.

Cinderella's Castle, Disneyland

Sagrada Familia, Barcelona

So with that bit of fraud settled, we moved onto planning our trip, which largely consisted of training Declan to Euro Kiss. He learned quickly, but thinks it's called "Your Own Kiss". Here are some stills of the Your Own Kiss in action. Pretty cute. Ask him for one next time you see him.

Declan also got to pick out a ride-on Trunki suitcase to use a carryon. It was great for pulling him through the airports and garnered him lots of smiles from passersby. I filled it full of gift-wrapped dollar store toys and crayons etc to keep him occupied on our 17 hour journey. It worked very well and he loved riding it.

A couple weeks before we left, Declan received a phone call from Mickey Mouse to invite him on the cruise. I love Declan's reaction to Mickey's invitation. There's no jumping down or any foolishness. Just a quietly stated demand directed at me that we had better follow through on this holiday plan. Some threats are best left unspoken.

So that is how we ended up with our holiday plan of 3 days in Barcelona, and a week-long cruise to ports in France, Italy and Spain. Declan was very good on the plane, with the minor exception of when we landed in Atlanta for our connecting flight to Barcelona, and he began to loudly announce to everyone that we had arrived in China. Over and over again. "We're in China!" "That's China out there!" Geography is not his strong suit. And then in the Atlanta airport Declan had a major meltdown in the bookstore, when I refused to buy him a copy of "Women's Health" magazine. It made me really doubt the wisdom of dragging someone so fundamentally unreasonable half way around the world. I had fear in my heart in that bookstore, but really that was the last trouble we had for the entire trip. There was one minor timeout in Mallorca, but that was it. We were all having so much fun all the time there was no misbehaviour to speak of.

So Declan was an angel on the flight, but he only slept a couple of hours, which meant I only slept for an hour, and Shane didn't sleep at all. We arrived in Barcelona at 9 in the morning, and when we got to our hotel, the Hotel Arts, they didn't have a room ready. This is where we all started to decompensate. We badly wanted some quiet rest, and so they sent us up to the pool side, which sounds very lovely and under other circumstances it would have been but we all felt very zombie-esque. I was feeling terrible, and was strangely unable to regulate my body temperature. I confess, I had a little bit of a "I can't deal" moment there trying to look after Declan in the pool while feeling horribly jetlagged. So the second official meltdown of EuroCrash 2011 was had by me. We had lunch at the poolside, and finally around 3 pm we got into our hotel room. It was gorgeous. We had booked through my new favourite thing- American Express' Finer Hotels program, where they somehow manage to get you a cheaper rate than you can get online, plus they package up a bunch of benefits with your room, and give you a free category upgrade. So we booked our regular standard room, and ended up in a 3,000 Euro a night suite with 150 Euros in food and beverage credits for our troubles. Sweet. If you're into hotel rooms, here's a tour of ours. This video proves I've got the palsy.

We dubbed it the General Franco suite. Everything was great from the moment we crossed its threshold. We all took a nap for a couple of hours and woke up feeling human again. We went for a very pleasant stroll along the beachfront boardwalk. Barcelona has a really great energy, and we all took to it right away.

Declan at a playground on the beach in Barcelona, with the Hotel Arts in the background.

Meeting the local perros. Being spaniel people, we enjoyed seeing how many spaniels there actually were in Spain. I don't know why I had never really thought about it before, but that is where they come from. In the background you can see some Speedos. Lots of Speedos and Spaniels- my day one insightful cultural observation.

Salut!

Now we had great dining plans for Barcelona, as there are some world-famous restaurants there, and Spain as a whole is really the global culinary power nowadays. We couldn't get a reservation anywhere on our list for love or money, and believe me I tried. Me, the woman who came up with a same-day two-top at Alinea in Chicago. Me, who came up with a next day two-top at Per Se in New York. Barcelona Reservation Fail. A country with 25% unemployment, and dozens of restaurants were booked out for six months and more. Ay caramba. So for dinner that night we got a recommendation from the concierge, and ended up having a wonderfully delicious meal of tapas at a little bistro called Bar-Mud a few miles away from Hotel Arts. We got a reservation for 8.30 which I thought was very continental, but it turned out we were the first table there. They eat late in Spain. We sat at a tiny table out on the sidewalk, and were served grilled lobster, the best fig and spinach salad I've ever had, lagostinas with dry vermicilli noodles served in a sauce made from peanuts and the red oil of chorizo sausage, then steak and foie gras. In my travel journal I wrote "Foie gras feels like vacation." I just don't fry up foie at home, yanno? For Declan we ordered was this crazy dish of french fries with fried egg on top that was unexpectedly to die for. How could it be so good, I don't know but it was. All washed down with the obligatory red wine of course. It was the perfect end to our first day of travels, and we returned home to the General Franco suite in high spirits.

Disney Cruise Day 2: Barcelona

2011-12-18T21:18:00.000-08:00

We started off the day in Barcelona with a fabulous brunch at Hotel Arts, where Declan got his first crack at the great European culinary contribution of crepes with Nutella. I think this was the point where he really started to enjoy travelling. We then tried to squeeze in a trip to the Picasso Museum but the line up was over 2 hours long so we bailed on that and just walked around the neighborhood for awhile.

We got to see the local sights, like the unsettling placement of the butcher right next to the vetrinarian.

Eventually we hopped in a taxi and made the trip over to the cruise ship terminal. The boarding process was quick and painless.

Excited to finally see Mickey's boat.

Our ship was the Disney Magic, which first set sail in 1995, so it is a smaller, older boat by modern cruise ship standards but we found it very commodious. We boarded the ship and found our stateroom, lucky #7076. I had been worried about how the three of us would manage in 300 square feet of space for seven nights. The last time we tried to sleep in the same room as Declan, we were all up til 4 in the morrning, driving around the streets of Longview, Texas trying to get Declan to fall asleep. We found our stateroom to be actually pretty comfortable over the week. Our room was very efficent in its use of space, and there was a curtain that would seperate the "living room" where Declan slept from our bedroom.

We went up dockside for the "Bon Voyage" deck party, which consisted of the regular Radio Disney repetoire of bad music coupled with line dancing.

This guy was having more fun than everyone else combined. I should have taken video. He was hypnotic and the still pictures don't really capture it.

Declan cheered him on from the sidelines.

Then we pulled away from the dock and set sail. The neighboring ship made ours look pretty Mickey Mouse.

What this blog needs is a laugh track. Anyway, our ship's horn blew the opening notes to "When You Wish Upon a Star" and we had officially set sail. We immediately went below decks to play Bingo, because that just seemed like the cruise ship thing to do.

Shane was the big winner, scoring a Hannah Montana backpack, a Disney Cruise ball cap, and the first of many, many keychains we were to win over the course of the week. Shane bequeathed his bounty to his sole heir.

Other families won thousands of dollars, but I think we may have had more fun than anyone else. With as much as I love playing bingo, it is a wonder I ever thought I was too cool to enjoy a cruise.

Declan on our balcony in Barcelona ready for dinner.

We returned to our room to get ready for dinner. Now if I ever needed to prove that my husband loves me, this fact would be Exhibit A. When we booked the cruise we were given the option of being seated by ourselves for dinner or being seated with strangers. I clamored for strangers, and Shane agreed! He is such a good sport. We would be seated with the same people every night, although we would rotate through 3 different restaurants. Our tablemates turned out to be a family of 5 from Spain. The dad, whom I will always think of as "Spanish Shane Nelken", was Rajeesh.

Rajeesh was half Indian, half Spanish, but spoke very good English. His wife, Mumblemumblemumble, didn't speak much English at all, and we never did catch her name. Their kids were Chloe 4, Wendy 5, and Gio 6. They all attended American school in Barcelona, and spoke English really well. Declan was so taken with Wendy I cannot even tell you. A lot of his good behaviour over our holiday could be attributed to us using "you don't want to miss dinner at the restaurant with Wendy, do you?" as a threat. He would never jeopardize dinner with Wendy.

Declan sharing a laugh with Wendy. He wore his Star Wars pjs to dinner to impress her, because she's a big fan.

So funnily enough, the kids all had such a good time together that we never even used the kids' club at dinner time. They would take turns playing video games with each other, and it was all very sweet. Even though dinner would last around 2.5 hours, Declan was thoroughly entertained the whole time. The waiters were also a big part of that. We had the same waiters every night, Plamen from Bulgaria, and Martin his Turkish assistant.

Plamen with Wendy, Declan and Gio.

They knew our kids and what to bring them and how to make them laugh. They did magic tricks for the kids right at the table every night. One of the most stressful parts about travelling with a little kid, is having to enforce "restaurant behaviour" day after day, and the Disney experience really removed all that pressure and stress. I don't think I ever noticed any body's kid acting up in the restaurants- everyone was just having fun. Anyway, that was a big, big bonus for us.

The food was pretty good too. They shape a lot of the things into mouse ears. And the ultimate verdict on sharing a table with strangers was a big thumbs up; we really enjoyed getting to know another family and recapping with each other our respective adventures at the end of every day.

How about Declan's shirt? Think he enjoyed his dinner?

We went back to our stateroom for bedtime and found the first of our daily origami towel animals - a swan, with a surprising aggressive streak, whereby it would suddenly go for the jugular. We might have over played the danger because Declan became very leary of them, and only the fact that they came with chocolate would entice him to approach.

Day 3: France and Monaco

2011-12-18T21:17:00.001-08:00

Did I ever tell you about my having summered in the South of France? It was a wonderful few hours, let me tell you. This picture shows as close as Declan ever got to the South of France. We didn't take him ashore. He doesn't even know we went to France.

We checked him into the kid's club, signed a sworn affidavit that he was potty trained, and spent the rest of the day fervently praying that he wouldn't have an accident. We tendered to the port of Villefranche. We had signed up for an adults-only Disney shore excursion, despite feeling vaguely uncomfortable around people who take Disney cruises without any children. And there are a lot of them. I also feel somewhat unenthusiastic about the prospect of a group excursion in unto itself. Of all the places I've been in the world, I've never seen a bus full of tourists and thought "I wish I was riding with that posse".

The tour group death march single file to the bus. Don't be jealous, haters.

But on the other hand I've never been limited to a 10 hour window to explore a place either. And the kicker is, if you are on a Disney shore excursion and the bus breaks down or there's a traffic jam or wildcat worker's strike, the boat will wait for you. If you are exploring on your own and some Act of God keeps you from returning to the boat in a timely manner, it will leave without you, regardless of how many kids you have checked into the kids' club on board, or how cute said kid might be. So we figured that at those ports where we leaving Declan on the boat, we would do the official excursion thing.

The view from our tender into Villefranche.

We started off with a tour of the principality of Monaco, walking through the city of Monaco, Monaco. This is where I finally figured out what the heck the difference between Monaco and Monte Carlo was. So Monaco is the name of the principality, and it is divided into 4 quarters one of which is inconsiderately named Monaco, and another of which is Monte Carlo. We went on an audio tour of the royal palace of the Grimaldi family, wherein I learned that I have also been mispronouncing Monaco all my life. According to the Grimaldis, it should rhyme with "tobacco". Imagine the egg on my face. So I hope that I have helped someone out there sort through the confusion that I have suffered through all my life, until such time as I vacationed in the South of France, in monAcco, monAcco.

The Grimaldi Family Residence

They might as well pronounce it utOpia, utOpia. It is breathtakingly beautiful. It has 0% unemployment and the highest life expectancy in the world (90 years!) If you try to litter, a single white dove swoops down and catches the trash before it hits the ground.

This is the church where Grace Kelly got married. Shane asked me why on earth I would want a picture of this.
C'mon, we're talking Princess Grace here! Interesting tidbit: the Kellys had to pay the Grimaldis a 2 million dollar dowry to get them to take that heifer off their hands. Go figure.

Out front of Jacques Cousteau's Musee Oceanographique de Monaco, Shane seemed to think there was no dignity in feigning encapture by an octopus. I beg to differ.

Onwards and upwards to Monte Carlo. We were tremendously excited by the prospect of following in James Bond's footsteps and gambling here, and we were among the first in the door when it opened at 2 pm. I didn't know casinos closed. You are not allowed to take pictures inside the casino, so here's a picture looking out the front door.

The Square outside the Grand Casino. People gather around to see the fancy cars parked there. I think the cars belong to the extortionist roulette staffers.

As soon as you go in, you are hit up for a 10 Euro entrance fee. A small price to pay for glamour no? Well the Grand Casino of Monte Carlo turned out to be a little underwhelming. Sure there was beautiful woodwork and light fixtures, but it wasn't exactly hopping in there. There were about 7 table games, and then a small seperate room with silent slot machines. There was no harmonius G-chord chorus to be had. No one was playing anything, just a few tourists wandering aimlessly like we are, wondering where the rest of it went. I am getting an idea why they don't let tourists take pictures inside. If pictures got out, it might cut down the number of suckers willing to pay 10 Euros for a look at the place. We discussed leaving as there weren't even any craps tables which is our favourite game, but I wanted to win my 10 Euro entrance fee back, so we sat down at the Roulette table. Lucky for me it was a ten Euro minimum. I played Red and won back my entrance fee, and Shane played 27 for my birthday as well as 18 for Declan's, and he lost. He wanted one more spin, and this time he just played 18. I was still complaining about him dumping my birthday when 18 hit and Shane won 450 Euros (circa 600 US dollars!).

Make it rain!

We got up to leave immediately, forever endearing ourselves to the French croupier. One woman actually rapped on Shane's chips, and then rapped very forcefully on the croupier tip box. The international language of extortion. Shane tossed in a 10 Euro tip and we slowly backed out of there.

Next stop was the tiny medieval village of Eze. Our tour bus climbed up the cliffside corniches until we hit the base camp, and then we hiked the rest of the way. It was good to get out of the bus, as we were saddled with a tour guide with a chip on his shoulder regarding wealthy people. Not the best person to narrate the sights in the South of France, which is positively lousy with the rich and famous. He had lots of fantastical tales though, telling us that Bono, who has a house in Eze, apparently had his swimming pool paved with gold, like actual gold this year. That would buy a lot of mosquito nets, Bono! We had to climb up 1400 feet above sea level to get the view, but it was gorgeous. Along the path up to the top were all these quaint shops and restaurants carved right into the cliffside. The buildings in Eze date back to the 1300s. When you get up to the top, the view takes your breath away, and then the French take 5 Euros away, to let you into the entrance of the Jardin Botanique d'Eze. Sounds pretty good until you get inside and it's just a bunch of cacti. Go figure. We half expected to have someone come out and rap us with a stick until we tipped the succulents.

Then it was back to the ship, where we were quite anxious to find out how Declan's day went. We found this prone figure in the nether region of the kids' club.

We let him sleep it off while we went and lost some of our Monte Carlo mad money on some Bingo. . Then back to kids' club, where Buzz was still sleeping it off. Could only rouse him with the observation that it was time for Dinner with Wendy. Had a lovely dinner, then returned to room to find elephant towel animal, and racked up another Norwalk free day on the high seas.

Day 4: La Spezia, Italy

2011-12-18T21:17:00.000-08:00

So today we were scheduled for a boat tour of Cinque Terre, which is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Somehow our enthusiasm for World Heritage Sites although palpable did not suffice to wake us up in time to catch our tender. We just missed it by a mere 120 minutes. Hair's breadth. Catch you next time, Cinque Terre. Until then, I have no idea how to pronounce you.

So by the time we got up and mobile, the only thing there was time for was to take a bus out to Pisa and see the sight. Secretly I was not too disappointed, cause you all know how I love a novelty photo.

I am not the only one in Pisa. I loved walking around Pisa and seeing people from all walks of life, from every corner of the globe trying to strike the same pose.

With the right model, it only takes one shot.

Lining up a three-year-old afflicted with congenital ants-in-the-pantsitis is a different story.

A little to the right...

No, no - your right!

Around the other side...

Back it up a little more ....

Not that much!

After all that tough modelling work, a little gelato was in order. Right about the time this picture was taken, gypsies picked Shane's pocket and stole his iPhone. Being robbed by gypsies is apparently a standard part of the Pisa experience. Now we feel very European.

Now visiting Pisa reminds a lot of visiting Stonehenge. You arrive, say it leans or it stands as the case may be, and then you are pretty much done. The only other thing to see in Pisa besides the Leaning Tower is row upon row of stalls featuring slanted souvenirs, so we tendered our way back to the ship.

Upon our return, and herein lies the win-win genius of the Disney cruise holiday, we checked Declan into the kids' club for a couple of hours, and went to play trivia in the pub. Declan was thrilled to get some time in the Nirvana that is kids' club, and we enjoyed the heck out of a couple child-free hours, while racking up a couple more keychains for our collection. Then we retrieved the boy, went for dinner with Wendy, then collapsed on the staircase because of fun overload.

Day 4 Summation
Origami towel: Sad hounddog
Norwalk Contraction: Negative

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Day 5: Rome

2011-12-18T21:16:00.001-08:00

So our next port was Rome, and we abandoned the group tours in favour of our own private car and driver. We were taking Declan with us, and wanted to have the flexibility to go where we wanted and cut the day short in the unlikely, yet distinctly possible event that he might become incorrigible. Besides, I have always wanted to disembark from something and be greeted by a limo driver holding my name on the sign for a change. Today was my day!

Our driver, Angelo, was awesome. We were able to pack so much into the day, and he had all the hookups to skip the queues to get into the various attractions. We could go at our own pace, and spend as much or as little time at each stop, and we were also able to go to the more authentic local restaurants for meals instead of the more touristy places that you go to in the tour groups. So this was a much preferable method of travel for us.

Our first stop was the Colosseum. Hilariously when I asked Declan if I could take his picture in front of it, he reflexively put his hands up as though he were pushing up the Leaning Tower of Pisa still. That photo session may have scarred him indefinitely.

Happily there was a new novelty photo opportunity at the Colisseum: For a mere five Euros, a local ne'er-do-well dressed as a gladiator will terrorize your child. A bargain at twice the price.

What's that you say? Why are we doing this?

I'm not sure why the gladiator was pushing the stroller, but it makes me love this picture a little bit.

Our visit to the Colisseum was somewhat hampered by their having run out of audio guides. So we walked around without really knowing what anything was. Here's a picture of Declan and Shane posing above the catacombs, where the trackerjackers are stored in between bouts, awaiting for the release from trap doors whenever Emporer Sebastiani scratched his nose.

Next stop, Circus Maximus, which Declan was very excited about considering that it's a racetrack. Here, Shane is patiently trying to explain to a skeptical Declan that the empty field was really in fact a very interesting historical site.

Colour him unimpressed.

At the Trevi Fountain. These pictures hide how crowded it was there- about 25 people per square foot.

Tossing a coin and wishing to return to Rome one day. Also wishing that we had a smaller coin than a 2 Euro to throw.

Getting into the tourist spirit.

For lunch Angelo took us to a lovely rustic Italian place, where we had all of our respective Italian favourites: Caprese salad, carpaccio and ravioli, with pizza formaggio for Declan. We breezed through the Spanish Steps, and the plaza where Caesar was assassinated. Then Angelo took us to the Vatican for the next part of our tour.

Day 5 part II- the Vatican

2011-12-18T21:16:00.000-08:00

Now in the afternoon of our day in Rome, we went to an entirely different country, the Vatican. The Vatican is the 7th country Declan has visited. I'm not really convinced that the whole independent country thing isn't just a way to try and boost sales of souvenir stamps, because apart from the post office with an extraordinarily long lineup, there was no sign of independent statehood. Maybe the Pope doesn't like paying Italian taxes. The Vatican is the smallest and richest country in the world, but I'd rather live in Monaco myself. Not much of a nightlife in the Vatican City.

Now we had arranged for a private tour guide to take us through the Vatican museum and St. Peter's, which turned out to be a stroke of genius, because she allowed us to cut to the front of a 6.5 hour lineup to enter. Her name was something like Brenda, but I can't remember what, just that I kept accidentally calling her Brenda and she kept correcting me. Let's call her Brenda. She also had incredible prowess when it came to muscling through the crowds in the Vatican museum. She was Moses and the Vatican throngs were her Red Sea. She got us and Declan's stroller through seemingly impenetrable crowds, and for that I am grateful, but otherwise she drove. me. nuts.

Brenda had the lowest self-esteem of any tour guide I've ever met. She was a graduate of McGill University (maybe that was her problem *snerk*) with a Master's Degree in Fine Arts. After every bit of exposition, she would apologize "I'm boring you, I'm so sorry". We kept saying over and over again, "no really, we are interested in learning, that's why we hired you" but, as Oprah would say, she just couldn't receive it. "I'm talking too much, I'm going to put you to sleep". "I bet you think I'm really boring, don't you?" She. drove. me. nuts, I tell you.

Anyway, the Vatican Museum is in fact very interesting. There was a lot of Michelangelo sculptures scattered about, Raphael decorated a few of the rooms, Botticelli, Caravaggio, all the heavy Renaissance hitters.

This is Laocoon- or the top of him anyway. It is one of the most important statues in the Vatican's collection, and was the very first acquisition of its collection back in 1500 something. Obviously not quite important enough for me to bother looking through the viewfinder to make sure I was photographing the actual statue and not the wall behind it. So I guess if you would like to see the very interesting bottom of this statue, you had better get yourself over to the Vatican. Or, you know, google it.

This statue I got a whole picture of - now I just can't remember what it was.

My favourite part of the Vatican Museum was the Hall of Maps. What can I say, I like maps.

After the museum, we headed into the Sistine Chapel. It was truly impressive. There is no photography allowed in the Sistine Chapel.

Nothing to see here!

Thought about trying to line up the finger, but Pisa taught me that could take awhile.

Brenda was very excited that this window was open- it is not supposed to be open- it allowed us to take an illicit picture of the Pope's back yard- his personal grounds. It wasn't like Pope Benedict was out there playing Bocce in his underwear or anything, but Brenda insisted that this is something that not many people get to lay eyes on this, so I'm sharing it with you. One thing that was palpable in everyone we met in the Vatican, is that Pope Benedict is generally regarded as just an "okay" Pope, a B-lister at best.
He's no Pope John Paul, that's for sure.

The next stop in the Vatican was St. Peter's Basilica. It is the largest Christian church in the world. It is so big, you can't even really tell how big it is. Brenda would point out a dove in a stained glass window and it would have a wingspan of 33 feet, but from our vanguard on the floor it would look regular dove-size.

This was Pope John 23. He is regarded as a Tier One Pope. When they exhumed him (not sure why) it turned out that he was miraculously preserved. So now he is displayed in a glass case, where as the other dead Popes are kept under wraps. John 23 is buried in a Santa Hat, but you can't see it very well in this picture.

Declan doing his impression of Michelangelo's Pieta and Shane telling me with his eyes "I can't believe you are making me do this.'

Strollers weren't allowed in St. Peter's, so Declan was not strapped down for the first time in our trip to the Vatican. He went a little nuts, running crazy in circles on the floor. They had a big basin of holy water out so I sprinkled a little on him, just in case, and he ran even faster in circles and thrashed about until a small crowd gathered, watching him with great amusement. I took a video of it, and the footage seems to have disappeared, but I think the tourists at St. Peter's that day enjoyed seeing the exorcism free of charge.

Shane ready to fight for his place in line.

Here, Shane is outside the Holy Door to St. Peter's Basilica. This door is opened every 25 years, and whoever passes through it, receives a papal indulgence. That's a guaranteed entrance into heaven irrespective of what heinous sins you might have committed before or after passing through that door. Brenda said that the lineup to go through the door gets very unruly because the stakes are so high, and fisticuffs often break out. Brenda said that you could stab your way to the front of the line and still get the indulgence as you passed through the door, but keep in mind, Brenda's no theologian, so take that into consideration when formulating your 2025 Holy Door strategy.

One more stop in the Vatican, and it was a highlight for me- the official gift shop staffed by nuns. This place was hopping, jampacked with tourists trying to get official papal merch. I had to wait in line a long time and the nun that helped me seemed quite harried. I really felt for her. I myself would have been quite cheesed off if I renounced all wordly possessions to devote myself to a religious life as a Bride of Christ only to get assigned to work retail. Nonetheless, this is where I got my only souvenir of this holiday. My parents had given me 100 Euros for my birthday to get myself a nice souvenir, and in the 5 countries we visited this is the only thing that caught my fancy:

It's a bottle opener emblazoned with the image of Pope John Paul II, or as I call it, my "Popener". You'll notice Benedict XVI hasn't made it on to any official Vatican barware yet.

Our driver then took us back to the ship, and we boarded in time for kids' club/pub trivia/keychain acquisition, and another round of Bingo, and then Dinner with Wendy.

Enthralled watching Wendy play video games.

First cheesecake. Plamen let the kids draw right on the linen tablecloths.

Day 6: Pompeii, Sorrento, the Amalfi Coast and Capri

2011-12-18T21:15:00.002-08:00

Declan amidst the ruins of Pompeii, with what's left of Mt. Vesuvius in the background.

Our next day was in the port of Naples. Shane has been to Naples before, and didn't see much worth visiting again, so we opted to head out of town and visit some of the surrounding areas with our own car and driver again. This time our driver was Gian Luca; he wasn't quite as awesome as Angelo, our Rome driver, but at the end of the day he gave us a bottle of Limoncello, so he wasn't all bad. First off, he took us to Pompeii, where we met up with our private tour guide, Rebecca. She was fantastic, very informed and passionate about Pompeii. There's nothing I like more than a first-rate docent. She really brought everything to life. Besides, not only was she an excellent tour guide, Roberta also made a first-rate sherpa, shlepping our son all over Pompeii, whose cobbled streets were ill-suited for stroller travel. Shane and Roberta portaged that stroller around like a couple of French-Canadian voyageurs.

For Shane and I, Pompeii was our favourite part of our whole trip, in large part due to Roberta. For Declan, of course it remains Dinner with Wendy. The city of Pompeii was buried under 30 feet of volcanic ash with the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79 AD. This disaster effectively froze the city at a moment in time, and allows us to garner amazingly detailed insights into what life was like during the Roman Empire. The remains have been remarkedly well preserved, and ongoing restoration efforts are uncovering more and more of the city all the time.

Clamouring to get in to see the naughty bits.

Culturally Pompeii was remarkedly debauched. The city is littered with houses of ill-repute, and there's always a big crowd waiting to get in to see the stunningly ribald frescoes that adorn the wall, painstakingly restored in stunning detail. I would post pictures but my blog would lose it's PG rating.

Shane looking for ancient pizza remnants.

Some of the exhibits are incredibly heartbreaking. The archaeologists have been able to cast any organic forms buried in the ash to show what people were doing when they were buried in ash, always trying to cover their mouths and noses.

Another exhibit showcased a petrified dog. I had been scarred in elementary school by the short story of "The Dog of Pompeii" wherein a blind boy who relies on his dog to steal bread for him daily, somehow manages to escape the eruption of Vesuvius, but the dog, who runs back to steal more bread for his owner, gets snuffed in the ash. My middle-school self got a little teary-eyed to see this real life version, now encased in glass.

We bid a fond farewell to Roberta, and Gian Luca drove us along the Amalfi Coast for awhile. One drawback to travelling in Europe in August is that that is when all the Europeans are taking holiday as well, so everything is very, very crowded. The views were spectacular but we got caught in some pretty terrible traffic as a result, and Declan and I ended up falling asleep in the limo. Shane tells us that the views continued to be spectacular. Gian Luca took us to yet another fabulous Italian restaurant in Sorrento, a very beautiful seaside village, where we later caught the ferry over to the Isle of Capri.

Sorrento

The mainland from the Capri ferry

I had really been looking forward to going to Capri, as I had long been a fan of their salad and their pants, the latter of which are a blessing to the short-legged such as myself. It turned out to be a bit of a bust, as the traffic on the way to Sorrento was so bad we only ended up with an hour to spend there. Then on the ferry ride over Declan fell asleep, so we were really hampered by comatose kid in stroller, as well as the lack of time. So basically Shane and I sought out a beautiful patio right by the sea and enjoyed a cold beverage and some gelato while Declan snoozed away.

This is the only picture I took on Capri, and I'm not even sure why I took it. I think by this time I was suffering from quaint seaside village overload, and forgot to snap pics to recollect how beautiful everything is there.
Then we elbowed our way through a bunch of queue-jumping Italians to catch a ferry straight back to Naples.

Shane trying desperately to beat my Fruit Ninja score on the ferry ride back.
I call this picture "Fruit Ninja Fail".

Day 6: Part 2, Pirate Night!

2011-12-18T21:15:00.001-08:00

We reboarded the Disney Magic, and checked Declan into Kids' Club for our mutual period of respite, wherein Shane and I played and lost at Bingo, won a keychain at pub trivia, and then picked Declan up in time for dinner.

Tonight was Pirate Night, wherein everyone pretends to be pirates.

Some pirates are happier than others.

Pirate Night marks the first time I have willingly and with intent armed my son, buying him a 5 dollar sword to assist in swashbuckling.

And swashbuckle he did.

They set off a bunch of fireworks off of midships. It was really spectacular, being way out in the Mediterranean, and having these fireworks go off so close to us. It was almost magical.

There was pirate dancing and character appearances and all sorts of buccaneer nonsense on deck.

It was really a lot of fun, then back to our stateroom. Or should I say, ARRRRRRRRR stateroom.

Avast me hearties- prepare to be boarded! Here you can see the configuration of our close quarters. Our room steward has made up the coach into a bed for Declan to sleep on which you can see in the background, and there's the curtain seperating our bed from the "living room".

Would not de-pirate himself for bedtime.

Bathtowel origamist is really reaching now.

Day 7: Day at Sea

2011-12-18T21:15:00.000-08:00

Today was a Day at Sea, which was welcome break from the pressures of excursions, and having to be in a certain place by a certain time. Although now we had two dates with $10,000 bingo that were not to be missed. I had my eye on that sweet prize money I tell you. These were our bingo hosts, who would occasionally break out into a little song and dance number, keeping us entertained all the while we were not winning ten thousand dollars.

We also made time for a character dance party. Here Pluto leaves Declan hanging.

And hanging...

So for a change of scene, we went out and did some hanging around the pool.

Shane likened the swimming pools to the River Ganges. Hard to argue that.

Declan liked the pool with the outdoor movie screen best. They screened at least one current movie every day- on our cruise it was Cars 2, and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. We never made it to movie time.

There were also elaborate Disney stage shows every day, and today was the first one we went to one. It was very well-produced and enjoyable, but Declan almost fell asleep. On our way out of the theatre we encountered Minnie and Mickey all dolled up for Formal Night. We did the late seating for dinner at 8.30 so we hadn't got ready yet, but Declan wanted to get his picture taken anyway.

Can you tell how chuffed he is to meet Mickey? He was thrilled.

Towel Origami: Turkey? Some sort of ground fowl.

Day 8: Mallorca

2011-12-18T21:14:00.001-08:00

Our last stop was in the Balearic Islands, at the "family" island of Mallorca. According to our dining companion, Rajeesh, Ibiza is where you go when you are single, Minorca, when you are married but childless, and Mallorca, when you are married with children. Me, I just go where Disney tells me. And today, for the first time, going where Disney told me was a big mistake. We hadn't planned anything for our Mallorca port excursion, so I sought advice at the Disney shore excursion office. They recommended a half-day trip inland to a market where locals sell artisan wears and handcrafted goods. Since we hadn't done any shopping really, I thought it might be a nice trip. We took an hour long bus ride, and were dumped off at the crappiest flea market I've ever seen.

You can't find crap like this stateside.

This is authentic Mallorcan crap.

I guess when Disney said "artisan wears", they actually meant second-hand underwears.

Here's Declan at the flea market in Mallorca, asking to go back to the boat.

The only thing remotely quaint about this market was the live bird seller, which lost some of its charm when you noticed the next stall over...

We had three hours to kill, and we obviously weren't going to be shopping, being all stocked up on second-hand underwear already, so we wandered around until we found a playground.

There was some verboten kicking of rocks...

Time Out: Mallorca

We were glad to finally return to the boat. I filled out a complaint form regarding this excursion but Disney never responded to my request for a refund for the excursion fare. This was the only misstep in our holiday, but I was expecting them to be more responsive to my complaint. Perhaps I made one too many references to used underwear.

We were glad to return to our room to a special bonus midday origami puppy.

Even better, when we got back to the ship we discovered that Declan had grown enough overnight to go on the three-story Mickey waterslide that he was too short to go on the day before. So he went on it about 100 times, and smiled big each and every time.

Then when we came back to our room, I got treated to this little dance. Perhaps there was too much underwear talk today.

Day 8, part II: Onboard Wrap-up

2011-12-18T21:14:00.000-08:00

We started off our final night on the cruise by entering the Mickey 200, a race where teams fashion their vehicles out of the following supplies, plus 4 black wheels that are in Declan's hand.

The best part was that Shane and I had coincidentally bought Declan a car race jumpsuit as a souvenir when we went to Monaco, so he got to show up for the event looking like this:

Very intimidating for the other children.

Armed with a small paring knife and a rudimentary understanding of physics, we fashioned an ungainly looking potato race car, which we dubbed "The Need for Spud". There was a minor family dispute regarding which spoiler to use: the large carrot chunks advocated by Shane and myself, with a combined twenty years of post-secondary education between us, and the small potato sliver advocated by Declan, who hasn't even started kindergarten and doesn't know gravity from a whole in the ground. The carrot spoiler won out, but there were tears. Until we started tearing up the preliminary head-to-head sudden elimination heats, that is.

Ultimately, the Need for Spud was edged out in the semi-finals by a questionable photo-finish determination. We did however win a prize for the best team name. The prize? A keychain. Then it was off to the Kids' Club for Declan as Shane and I had a 6pm reservation at Palo, which is the true fine-dining restaurant on board. It cost a small additional premium, $30 per person, but it was well worth it. It was commensurate in quality with a Michelin one-star I would say, and we enjoyed our meal there immensely. After dinner, we went to pick up Declan and then proceeded to our regular 8.30 dinner seating. Declan had eaten in the kids' club already, so none of us were hungry, but we couldn't bear to miss out on our last meal with our tablemates. So we just had a glass of wine and chocolate milk, respectively, and had one last visit. When it was time to say good-bye, Declan spontaneously ran over and gave Wendy the biggest hug, and planted one on her the likes of which I had never seen before. It was his first spontaneous, self-initiated move, and I was glad to be there to witness it.

One last Mickey bar.

There was a giant cast party in the vestibule as everyone said their goodbyes.

Declan had the chance to thank Mickey for letting him on his boat.

Final towel origami, a spitting cobra. A fine way to mark 7 days free of Norwalk contraction.

The next morning before we disembarked, Declan enjoyed his last meal onboard with a self-fashioned crazy straw. Then he asked for dessert. After breakfast. So I knew it was time to get off the boat, because that is not good when a child starts to expect dessert after breakfast. So as reluctant as we were to leave, the party was over.

Day 9: Return to Barcelona

2011-12-18T21:13:00.002-08:00

We disembarked from the ship on a Saturday, when Barcelona's taxi fleet is restricted to 50% strength by regulation. We had to wait over an hour for a taxi as a result. My recommendation should you decide to cruise: opt for the transfers off the boat as they were much more efficient at getting people out of port than regular taxis were. We then transferred to our hotel for the remainder of our trip, the Novotel City Barcelona. It was another great hotel, although the location was a bit off the beaten path in not the best direction. It wasn't an unsafe neighborhood or anything, just more businessy than sightseeingy. The cool part was that since it was on Barcelona's famed Avenue Diagonal, our suite was shaped like a triangle. It was finished in the contemporary style so common in Barcelona, and so beloved by me, that all I wanted to do was go furniture shopping, which is not very practical when you are 4000 miles from home.

Our first order of business, was to visit Sagrada Familia, Gaudi's architectural masterpiece. AKA where Mickey Mouse lives. One day, Declan will go to the real Disneyworld and I am going to be in so much trouble. You mean Sleeping Beauty's castle doesn't have a 3 hour stained-glass audio tour? No 2 hour symbology lecture on-site? Hee. That said, I loved loved loved Sagrada Familias. As a spiritual house of worship, as a designy architectural funhouse, everything. It is truly beautiful. I also perversely like the fact that it is continuously under construction. It is targeted to be finished sometime around 2025, but I don't believe it will be ever completed.

Declan still makes the Leaning Tower of Pisa hands whenever I say cheese. Scarred for life I tell you.

The front door

the Front floor

We spent the better part of a day here, and enjoyed the audio tour immensely. It's a do-not-miss if you ever go to Barcelona. That evening we went for a stroll along the Ramblas, which is the touristy shopping/dining strip at the heart of Barcelona. For dinner recommendations, we did our go-to travel trick, which is to stop by the concierge of whatever nice hotel happens to be in the vicinty and ask them. This time we stopped in at the Mandarin Oriental. Any hotel that is nice enough to have a concierge is going to be too nice to ask if you are actually staying there. We got referred to Bar Lobo, a casual tapas place right across the street. It was wonderful. I can't say enough about the fantastic food in Barcelona. Love that Catalan cooking. It was a real highlight of the trip for us. As good as the food on board the cruise ship was, it really paled in comparison to every Barcelona restaurant we tried. Really, tapas is my favourite style of dining, and Mediterranean is my favourite basic flavour profile so I was in heaven. Every meal was a treat.

Declan is about to embark on that special time in a young boy's life wherein he discovers a passion for charcuterie. Where was the video camera?

That night at the hotel, Declan emptied out his suitcase and climbed inside of it. He may be ready to head home. Still another day in Barcelona to go.

Day 10: Last day in Barcelona.

2011-12-18T21:13:00.001-08:00

We started off our last full day in Barcelona with a trip to the Museo Picasso, which we had tried to visit earlier but were thwarted by a big lineup. Honestly, when we finally got to visit, it was a bit of a disappointment. The audio guide was really poor, maybe one of the worst I can remember. Worst still, the museum omits entirely Picasso's Rose Period. There is no collection. So you are going through the Blue Period and then wham, it's cubism. Nothing from the Rose Period at all. Very disconcerting. How you can dedicate an entire museum to Picasso and omit the Rose Period I don't know. It's like airing The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but leaving out the limo fight. What follows then makes no sense. Anyway, despite its inclusion in the 1000 Things to See Before You Die, which we are slowly working our way through, the Museo Picasso gets a big meh from me. I took no pictures but you know how it goes.

We stopped for lunch at El 4 Gats, Picasso's favourite local hangout. You know the menu he drew for them, his first commissioned artwork:

The service here was pretty terrible. But I suppose if you are drunk out of your mind on absinthe, it doesn't matter so much. We were sober, but tired, so after lunch we opted for the touristy cop-out of a couple hours on the hop-on, hop-off bus that runs in a giant loop around the city, linking both major and minor points of interest. Declan appreciated that the bus was not only double decker, but also convertible.

The Columbus monument, marking the spot at the end of Las Ramblas, where Columbus reported to Ferdinand and Isabella tales of his explorations of the New World.

Captivated. We were all pretty worn down by this point, all three of us longing for a pop-up Kids' club.

A Gaudi apartment building.

We decided to end our trip where we began, with a walk along the Barcelona beach, and dinner at an ocean side restaurant, Agua.

Pre-dinner dunk in the Mediterranean

Our last Barcelona meal was yet another spectacular one, replete with some yummy sangria. I did order one local delicacy which was our first culinary misstep. that plate of fried whole tiny fish. Neither Shane nor I cared for those, even after the sangria. You can see the other tapas staples, pan con tomates, marinated sardines and patates bravas. Yum.

This dinner was a perfect farewell to Barcelona, and we enjoyed watching the sun go down and the nightlife fire up along the boardwalk as we leisurely tapas-ed it up. Our trip home the next day was uneventful. I really can't remember it at all, so I might have been in a fugue state after the previous week and a half of adventure. If you have made it this far in reading of our travels, I feel like you should win some sort of prize. I could give you a Disney cruiseline keychain, but you deserve a medal. My hope is that recounting all this will help keep the memories for Declan, who I wish were a little bit older for his first trip to Europe so it would make an impression on him. I still remember my first trip to Europe in great detail still, but I was 16. Oh well, with any luck, at least Declan will remember those foot-pedal sinks. That's just a great idea, I don't care where you are.

In Conclusion: Trip Summation and the Revelation of Our Proprietary Travel Secret

2011-12-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

So really, how were we able to haul a three-year old preschooler half-way to half-way across the world? Visit museums, archaelogical sites and points of historical interest relatively unmolested; indulge in fine-dining in crayonless restaurants, and all that good stuff? I have two words for you: I. Pad.

Choosing apps in the Hall of Maps.

Chuzzle in the Vatican Museum

Pacman in the Barcelona Bistro

Privacy Setting

Surfing in the Sistine Chapel

So thanks to Steve Jobs for affording us the opportunity to globetrot with impunity. I hope the moments of peace we enjoyed are now returned to him a thousand-fold.

So for those of you who haven't slogged through the previous 13 blog posts I did about our holiday and instead skipped to the end to see how it turned out, here is a handy synopsis: We had a fantastic time. For those of you wanting to holiday with children, I recommend cruising with Disney without reservation, and Barcelona is a wonderful city to visit. Four stars.

For those of you who actually read all the foregoing posts, I salute you.
And worry about you, a little.

The House that Serendipity Built.

2011-12-17T16:21:00.000-08:00

Twice this Christmas season I've been thwarted in buying something for Declan, only to have someone give him that very thing later that same day. The first time happened when I had to ditch an Elf on the Shelf kit in the bookstore because the lineup was too long, and we were due at gymnastics, only to turn up at gymnastics and be greeted by Celeste, who was bearing an Elf on the Shelf kit for Declan. That seems fantastically providential, unless you know how many gifts Celeste buys for Declan over the course of the year. It was bound to happen sooner or later. But then the same thing happened again, when after unsuccesfully trying to find a gingerbread kit for Declan, our friends the Whites gifted him a kit that same day with the pieces for a lovely gingerbread house all cut out, and candies, icing and fondant included.

mmm ... candies....

Well the kit was lovely, until Declan and I put it together, that is:

More like a gingerbread crackhouse...

Somebody call the building inspector. I count 5 code violations in this picture alone.

Post-consumption of jujubes, gumdrops, m&ms and peppermints as part of an exacting quality control process.

We sure had fun putting it together though.

Like Father, Like Son

2011-12-16T20:48:00.000-08:00

Shane has been on crutches for the better part of a month now, and so Declan has fashioned himself a pair out of hockey sticks.

Our own Tiny Tim: how seasonal!

Which is made extra-cute by the fact Declan calls them "crunches", which I have started saying as well. Adopting your child's malapropisms is as irresistable when it is your own kid, as it is insufferable when its someone else's. Just one of those things.

True Confessions: Geocaching

2011-12-09T13:17:00.000-08:00

Dorking it up a notch chez Whitlock, we took up geocaching this year. In case you are too hip to know about geocaching, it is a worldwide treasure hunt, where people hide and seek containers using GPS instruments. The coordinates of hidden caches are posted online at www.geocaching.com; you pick one, and go out and find it using your smartphone or GPS. Inside the container there may be any manner of crap- dollar store toys for kids, keychains, pencils, swag of that nature that you are welcome to take as a souvenir of your find, provided you leave something behind. Declan loves the crap collecting aspect of geocaching.

Declan's first find

There will also be a log book inside the cache where you can record your "find" as well as online logs. Some caches contain "travel bugs"- toys that have a registration number that geocachers will move from cache to cache, where you can track its movements online, sort of like that garden gnome that circumnavigated the globe. There are more than one-and-a-half million caches hidden all over the world, including hundreds here in Arkansas, with new caches coming online all the time, so it is a pretty unending diversion.

We learned the how-tos of geocaching from a seminar at our local library. That is how you know it is cool. We were looking for a hobby we could do as a family that was active and outdoors, and geocaching has the bonus of being virtually free, so we gave it a try. As long as you've got a signal, you can do this with an iphone app that costs $10. We also shelled out for a $30/year geocaching.com membership, but that is not a necessity. With the membership you can do advanced searches of particular kinds of caches (sorted by type, difficulty of the find, and difficulty of terrain) and download the search results to your handheld GPS.You can plot out geocaches along the route of a roadtrip, and use a little hunting around in the woods to break up a long drive. You can find caches when you are travelling, as people usually try to hide the caches in places that are interesting or scenic, so it takes you places off the beaten tourist paths where you wouldn't have otherwise ended up. So there's that. Just about every park and public space you can think of will have a cache hidden in it somewhere. It's truly amazing how many are hidden out there, in the woods and in urban areas.

For us it is a good hobby fit as it combines elements of puzzle-solving (we all love), being outdoors (I love, the dogs love), technology (Shane and Declan love), hide and seek (Declan insatiably loves) and maps (we all love). And did I mention that it's free?

It is more interesting than it sounds.

We only just started in September so we haven't logged that many finds yet. That doesn't mean I don't have enough expertise to invent my own variant: pajamacaching. This entails getting all ready for bed, but at the last minute going out and hunting a cache in the dark. Very exciting for the kidlet. This was our first pajamacache find- it was hidden outside of Kraftco, walking distance from our house. It's actually pretty amazing how many caches are hidden in the city that you pass by every day without knowing they are there.

So in my experience, geocaching beats the heck out of playing the umpteenth round of three-year-old indoor hide-and-seek where he's behind the curtains AGAIN and his arm is hanging out flailing around and he's loudly and convulsively giggling and you have to muster up the energy to feign being puzzled as you faux-hunt around "is he under the coffee table? nooooo" That is a special kind of exhausting right there. So it gets a strong recommendation from me: if you're looking for something to do with your kids, give it a whirl. Hopefully you will discover that you love geocaching too, and that way you won't be able to make fun of me.

Rendering Ski School

2011-12-09T07:54:00.000-08:00

Declan's teacher just sent me this picture of a drawing Declan did depicting "ski school".

This is his first landscape.

So it's a very important moment to commemorate, not just ratcheting up another blog post.

In case you were wondering.

Breakfast with Santa

2011-12-06T16:34:00.001-08:00

On Saturday morning, Shane and I took Declan to a pancake breakfast fundraiser with Santa at the Children's Hospital. It was a very cute event, with all the kiddos dressed up to have their picture taken with Santa. Declan was very excited to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what he wanted for Christmas ("a new Lightning", as in Lightning McQueen, I presume, although with this kid, one never knows) I was so glad that Declan was keen on Santa, as, if you remember last year, Declan didn't get hyped about Santa until Boxing Day.

Now Declan was the very last child, after a five-hour straight photo shoot, to get his photo taken with Santa, and I guess Santa had run out of beans, as he didn't ask Declan what he wanted for Christmas. So later that day we went to Petsmart to pick up some stocking stuffers for Phoebe and Nellie, and
lo and behold, there was another Santa there greeting the customers. Petsmart Santa said "hello" to Declan, who didn't reply. Declan started to walk away so I asked him to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas. Declan just sighed and said, "Mom, that's just a man in a Santa costume." He wasn't having any of it. Is that it for Christmas magic, oh three-year-old of mine? Sheesh.

Making crafts at Breakfast with Santa

Nice

Naughty

Occupy Vail

2011-12-05T19:30:00.000-08:00

We had a great mini-holiday in Vail over Thanksgiving. It is the shoulder season there, so it was very uncrowded and laid back. There were lots of great deals on, with half-price hotels and lots of deep discounts at the many fine restaurants in Vail. We took Declan out for a few fine-dining meals. Our favourite was at Larkspur, the first restaurant that I have ever seen with options for both tastings prix-fixe on the children's menu. We stuck with a la carte. All I need is for Declan to be taking half-a-bite out of 5 courses instead of one. On the plus-side, nary a chicken nugget or french fry in sight, so there was that. We also enjoyed meals at Sweet Basil and La Tour, if you're headed to Vail any time soon. Red Lion was a fine pub, where we ate lunch twice, and took in the happy part of the Razorbacks' last regular season game.

Now, you have seen Declan's ski school prowess, but here is your chance to marvel at his apres-ski abilities. He comes by it honestly.

Our hotel had a heated outdoor pool and hot tubs which allowed us to swim while it was snowing, which Declan thought was pretty cool. Hot tubs in the snow for me brings up many a fond memory. Then back to our room to warm-up in front of the fire.

Room service PB&J for dinner. Only cost a small withdrawl from Declan's 529 college savings plan.
Just kidding. He doesn't have a 529 plan!

Cool pirateship playground

On our last night of holiday, we went to the 4 Eagle Ranch for a cowboy style dinner and a horse-drawn sleigh ride through the snowy Colorado mountains. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough snow to pull the sleigh, so it ended up being a wagon ride, but it was still breathtakingly beautiful. I can't remember when I've been able to see so many stars. The night sky views were enhanced by our head-injured* wagonmaster, who would randomly point out a celestial object and claim "That is Jupiter right there!" The dark of night doesn't photograph too well, so all I came with was a shot of the draught team's rears as we headed back to the ranch for dinner and dancing.

Declan soon found himself a willing pardner in a cutie-pie 2 year-old girl who was quite taken with him. They danced the night away.

Bustin' a move.

After-dinner s'mores

Back to the hotel's snug.

*purely supposition on my part.

My Son, the Comedian

2011-12-03T11:35:00.000-08:00

Here is a little two-part holiday-themed joke as delivered by Declan. nb. Pardon the borscht on his face. I made the Parasuik family recipe, and Declan pretty much put his face in the bowl. So yummy.

Get it?

Here was his Hallowe'en themed joke. I particularly enjoy his hammy hands-up gesture at the end. It reads very old-Jewish-standup-playing-in-the-Catskills to me.

He'll be here all week.

30 Day Challenge

2011-12-01T15:18:00.000-08:00

So I just realized that I am 30 posts short of my 2011 blogging goal. In 2009 I did 74 posts, in 2010, 75 posts, so this year I was hoping to crack 76 posts, to stay on track for hitting my post a day target by the year 2374. I don't want to lose pace. Anyway, I'm going to try and hit 30 posts in the next 31 days. Can I do it? Stay tuned.

Oh look. Now I only need to do 29. So far so good.

Ski School!

2011-11-26T13:05:00.000-08:00

We are in Vail for the Thanksgiving holiday which has given Declan a crack at ski school for the first time.

Serious ski school swagger!

Getting measured for gear...

I stood outside for FOUR hours trying to get some good pictures and video of Declan's first day skiing. Parents were kept pretty far away by a fence, and the sun made it very difficult to see. I had my telephoto lens which allowed me to take pictures, but when I downloaded them to the computer I realized that I had been taking pictures of someone else's kid for the most part. In my defence, when you take a dozen three year olds and put them in helmets, goggles and matching pinnies, it is very very hard to tell who's who. I am just glad I brought the right one home.

Declan is in the middle, really leaning into his boots!

So this is the only bit of video I managed to get where it's actually Declan skiing! He loved ski school. My only regret was that he wasn't able to attend the Colin Adamson School of Alpine Instruction. Colin taught me how to snowboard by following behind me, continually asking "what's wrong with you? why can't you do this?", while videotaping all my falls. Good times.

When we came out of Ski School, Declan saw this dog and said "Look Mommy, it's Rin Tin Tin!" Who knew he'd be hanging around in Vail.

Annual Thanksgiving Pageant

2011-11-24T20:48:00.000-08:00

Declan's preschool Thanksgiving pageant was staged yesterday morning. The three year-olds did a rollicking little number entitled "11 Little Indians" which was pretty cute, political incorrectness notwithstanding. For those who want the full multi-media experience- here is the crummy video I shot. Declan is the first horse out of the gate, but he freezes in his tracks when he sees me in the audience.

This still marks an improvement over last year when he burst into tears when he saw me. Progress!

The rear view of his authentic native garb.

Declan's Papa and Yaya came to see the show and share in the turkey feast that followed. I tried to take a nice family picture of them all together but as soon as he is holding hands with two people at the same time, Declan is conditioned to automatically start swinging.

For dessert, I put a piece of pumpkin pie in front of Declan and turned around to get him a fork. By the time I turned back, the pie was already all the way in his piehole, no fork required.

For the feast all the kids make their own placemat which proudly broadcasts what they are thankful for. Here are some heartwarming samples from some of his classmates:

And here's Declan's:

All the other kids are thankful for their mommies and mine is thankful for a retro canine movie star.

Alrighty then. The worst part is that every night before bed for the last six months or so, we say what we are thankful for that day, so Declan has tons of practice saying sweet things about his family. But when the time comes to go public, he's all about Rin Tin Tin. It's one thing to get trumped by a dog, but a dead dog? Too much to take, I tell you.

The Visitors

2011-11-21T10:24:00.000-08:00

So we were the very lucky recipients of a visit from the much-missed Walbergs, who defected to California this summer, wrenching Declan apart from his dear friend Abbey. Here I surprise him with the news that we are on the way to the airport to pick up Abbey and her family to come and stay with us. Pardon my voice, I was deathly ill and could barely speak at this juncture. Funnily enough, I thought I was ill because I am immuno-suppressed with all the wicked fertility meds I'm on, but as it turned out, I was just the Typhoid Mary with a very contagious GI bug that I then went on to bestow to the rest of my family and all of our houseguests, one by one. Hostess of the Year right here I'm telling you.

As advertised, Declan was keen on helping take care of baby Sophie, and we all enjoyed having a baby in the house again.

Backyard s'mores.

Hanging out at a birthday party the Little Gym.

Jammed into the baby seats at the Wonder Place.

This is the point where Declan asked Nicole if she would join our family. He must have noticed that things run much smoother with an extra mom around. Those Mormons might be onto something.

The Hallowe'en Fairy.

2011-11-07T11:13:00.000-08:00

So my friend Liz passed along this ingenious idea to me last week to deal with the post-Hallowe'en excess- solicit a visit from the Hallowe'en fairy. After very carefully picking out six pieces of candy to keep, Declan then left the rest of his candy hanging on his bedroom gate. (Yes, we lock him in his room at night. Declan's judgment is questionable at best; he can not be left to his own devices. I hope this causes some controversy among my extensive readership, so that we can dub it GateGate. )

Anyway, Hallowe'en Fairy takes the candy while little one sleeps, leaving a present in exchange, and bob's your uncle.

The Hallowe'en Fairy left Declan a World Map puzzle- his first 100 piecer. Much more fun than candy.

Special bonus question: Can you tell what we had for dinner?

The Cowsuit.

2011-11-03T22:38:00.000-07:00

Declan's other Hallowe'en costume was a cow. It may seem extravagant to have multiple costumes, but his Banksy costume was homemade (really, not commercially available you say?) and down here in the South, there are like a dozen events that require a costume around this time, and so it's nice to be able to mix it up a little. Hallowe'en parades and trick-or-treating, trunk-or-treating and class Hallowe'en parties and private Hallowe'en parties and Hallowe'en festivals (not the same thing, btw.) They are crazy for Hallowe'en here. More houses here are decorated for Hallowe'en than for Christmas, which my Canadian self finds surprising. I digress. Have I ever told you that Shane once told me that if I were a pilot on Battlestar Galactica, my callsign would be "Sidetrack"? I've been meaning to.

Anyway, costume selection. Declan had been flip-flopping about costume choices. First he wanted to be Mickey Mouse, which I thought was extra sweet, because unbeknownst to Declan, Shane was Mickey Mouse when he was about the same age. I was perusing some pretty pricey costumes on Etsy, because I didn't like any of the commercial Mickey Mouse outfits. Then all of a sudden he wanted to be a jack-o'lantern. Luckily I hadn't ordered the M.Mouse yet, but this flip-flop reminded me that he could turn on a dime. So I strategized that we should just pick one out in a store, as it's more tangible than ordering one online to avoid another change of mind. I decided on taking him to Target, because unlike the pop-up Hallowe'en stores' offerings, Target's children's costumes don't each come with a free pair of fishnets. The Target's boys' costume selection was rife with super-heroes and ninja warriors, but Declan picked out the lone sweet costume- the cowsuit. I was really pleased about that, because I feel like this might be my last year for a sweet costume.

Now it looks like I have staged a huge multi-location cowsuit photo shoot in these pictures, but the truth is, he has just been wearing his cow suit a lot lately, and we've just been going about our regular business. I definitely seem to take more pictures of him when he's wearing a cow suit, and I think that is perfectly understandable. At various junctures, I would be watching him and think "A cow riding a horse - that's something you don't see every day" and take a picture. or "A cow driving a tractor. That's something you don't see every day". or "A cow drinking milk. That's something you might see every day if you were raising cattle I suppose, but not out of a tetra pak." So I ended up with a lot of cowsuit pictures.

And I'm pretty happy about that.

Cow in the thick of the preschool parade.

Cow at circle time at school.

Declan as Banksy

2011-11-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

For Hallowe'en this year, Declan had two costumes, as described in this email exchange with his teacher Miss Whitney, that for some reason really made me laugh.

Whitney: What is Declan going to be for Halloween? I know you were trying to decide between 2 things, and Shane told me today he wasn’t sure exactly what you and Declan decided. We need to know what his costume will be for one of our groups tomorrow. Thanks!

Me: Well he has two costumes to pick from. We were trying to decide between going as a cow or going as Banksy, the international graffiti artist. Could he go to the parade as Banksy, and the party as a cow, or if that's too convoluted, maybe we had better err on the side of cow.
Whitney: Well, I think for clarity’s sake – let’s just go with the cow, if that’s alright. Cause tomorrow, in one of our groups, they are going to complete a sentence saying “I will be a ______ for Halloween” so let’s just go with cow.

So Declan was a cow for his class activities, but when given the choice for trick-or-treating, he opted for his Banksy costume. Here he is in action at home:

He had great fun trick-or-treating with his friends Abbey and Kate, and I had great fun listening to him try and explain his costume to various geriatric neighbours.

Tag-or-treating

I loved this year's costume, but for me, it still runs second to his 18-month old appearance as

Ali G. This picture still cracks me up.

Another First: First Field Trip

2011-10-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

Declan's class had their very first field trip this month to Bobrook Farm's Pumpkin Patch. My favourite memory of this momentous occasion came about a week before though. We had to find a short sleeved navy t-shirt; I'm not sure if this is an American thing or a Southern thing, but whenever kids go on field trips they all must wear matching shirts. I couldn't find a short-sleeved T anywhere, as my regular stores had all moved on to fall fashions. So in search of the elusive navy T, I thought I'd check at Wal-Mart to see if they had them (they did), but when I told Declan where we were going, he complained "Can't we go to Target or Dillard's??" Three year-old getting all uppity about Wal-Mart. *Snerk*

First up, the Hay-ride

With his speech therapist, Ashley.

With his teachers Whitney, Ashley and Courtney. Why he loves going to school so much, I'll never know.

Pumpkin retrieval.

In the hay maze- he's maze crazy these daysies.

With his friend Kennedy

With his friend Sam.

Check out those tonsils! I have a friend Amy that said the sentence she least ever wants to hear is "Does this look infected?" and that is all I can think of when I see this picture.

Our stint as temporary butterfly farmers.

2011-10-25T14:26:00.000-07:00

My sister Lori gave us this package of grow your own butterflies. She bought it for my niece Mikayla, only to find out that they wouldn't ship the caterpillars to Canada. Discrimination! So I have held on to it for two years, waiting for Mikayla to come and visit so we could grow the butterflies while she was here. I sent in my "caterpillar coupon" so their arrival would coincide with Mikayla's visit this summer. Turns out they won't mail the bugs in the dog days of summer, so they didn't arrive until a few weeks after Mikayla left, so she will have to enjoy them vicariously through this blog post. But that was pretty thoughtful of me all the same.

Neighbors Mac and Jett helping us set up the garden. Which entails taking the cup out of the box.

First the 5 caterpillars came through the good old USPS in a little self-contained cup with all the food they will need. So you wait for a week and watch them grow; their growth is so rapid as to be perceptible to the naked eye. They get huge very quickly. My photography isn't any good, but can you see how much bigger they are here in a matter of a couple of days?

Slowly the cup empties of food and fills with caterpillar poop- its the circle of life. Then through some primal impulse, the caterpillars then make their way up to the lid of the cup and attach one end from the paper disc affixed there, and hang down in a j-form. Then in the course of a day they metamorphize before your very eyes into creepy looking chrysalises. Here you can see the would-be butterfly still in caterpillar form, and its four buddies already making the structural change to chrysalis form.

Once all the chrysalises are stable, you remove the paper disk from the lid and get your surgically-skilled husband to move them into the butterfly habitat.

After about a week, the butterflies emerge and dust themselves off. We kept them on the kitchen counter for a few days, feeding them orange slices and sugar water left on the petals of flowers in the bottom of the habitat, as per the kit's instructions.

Then we set them free in our yard, and they booked it on out of there.

The whole thing was really fascinating and we all enjoyed checking in on the butterflies for the few weeks they were transforming on our kitchen counter, as well as ultimately setting them free. The kit cost about 20 dollars which is pretty good edutainment value right there. Especially when your sister foots the bill. The same company www.insectlore.com has some other kits to chose from, so we may ask Santa to put some more creepy-crawlies under our tree this year. Or we could just let our Terminix contract lapse. Hey, dont' say you don't ever get some money-saving ideas out of your time spent reading this blog.

Another First: Horseback Riding

2011-10-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm so behind on my blogging that not only did I miss recording Declan's first horseback riding experience, I missed the second one too. So here they are:

#1- At the Wildwood Harvest Fest, he rode a big black horse named Shaq, and that's all I have to say about that. Shaq was so massive, Declan had to do veritable splits to stay astride. He wasn't scared at all though, which is a long way from his terror-inducing pony stand from last fall.

He was so darn pleased with himself.

#2 - A week later we found ourselves at the Rendezvous festival at Pinnacle Mountain, and Declan went on a real trail ride with the guide, on the back of a pinto named Cisco. He liked this too.

Update from Denver

2011-10-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

So we did our first embryo transfer today; after 2 years of infertility treatments now we are finally actually trying to get pregnant! This morning the day 3 embryo we made last December was taken out of the freezer and left out on the proverbial kitchen counter for a few hours. It did not lose any of its ten cells in the thaw, so we were off to a great start.

The day for me was very pleasant, especially compared to the other parts of the IVF cycle. One of the many many things I like about my doctor, Dr. Schoolcraft, or "Schoolie" as I like to affectionately call him when he's not present, is that while he's a real hard core sciency guy, he still incorporates some aspects of Eastern and alternative medicine into his practice. So the order of the day for me today was Acupuncture + Valium. East meets West, indeed. It was heavenly, the best combination since somebody's chocolate got into somebody else's peanut butter. When I was reduced to a puddle of relaxation, Schoolie came in with the embryologist and showed me our wee little day 3 embie:

Our baby looks like a Rorschach test: Look at this blob, and tell me what you see.   When Shane's mom saw this picture her response was "That is weird. I will pray for it." That about covers it. Once Schoolie put this baby back where it belonged, I became what is known in infertility parlance as PUPO- pregnant until proven otherwise. I got another session of acupuncture and then came back to my hotel for 2 days of strict bedrest. As soon as I got back, I ate a couple of chocolate-covered Digestive biscuits,  trying to encourage this kid to stick around. Like Eliot luring ET with the Reese's Pieces. Stick around- there's all sorts of chocolate things in this world.

Now tonight, the bulgy blob and I are awaiting dinner which is being brought to my bedside by a Stranger from the Internet. Because Schoolie's clinic is one of the world's best, people come from all over to get IVF here, and as we are "cycling" we connect on an internet message board to root each other on and share info. Every time I've come to Denver, I've managed to meet up with some of the other women from the message board to hang out, which has been really nice bonding experience.  Yesterday I met up with 8 more of these Strangers from the Internet for lunch, and then again for dinner. Today, one woman drove me to my appointment and another picked me up, and now they are taking turns bringing my meals. How awesome is that?

I am scheduled for another transfer of our Day 6 blastocyte from July on Thursday. This is a highly unusual double transfer situation but Schoolie insists its the way to go. We have a lot on the line, with two year's of time, a wheelbarrow full of money, hundreds of injections and blood draws, six trips to Denver and two to Chicago, and a lot of hope and heartache going into this procedure. We will know in two weeks what the outcome is. In the interim, I appreciate all the support, and prayers and crossed fingers on our behalf, coming from friends and family and Strangers from the Internet too.  Thanks folks.

Tait-Sakiches Touring Arkansas

2011-09-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

This August we were the very happy beneficiaries of a visit from dear Vancouver friends Marty and Wendy and their son Aiden. Here they are at the actual little rock. As advertised. Declan loved having a big kid around to give him some good ideas, like riding the roller coaster backwards. Aiden is full of good ideas.

The Tait-Sakiches were all tremendously good sports about the horrendously hot weather. I'm not much of a one for complaining about the weather, but this summer was just brutal. It was so unpleasantly hot that it was very hard to see the sights of Arkansas, which is mostly an outdoorsy kind of place. So we did things like drive around in our air-conditioned vehicle and admired National Historic sites from afar. There's Central High School! Do not exit the vehicle.

For variation, we got on the air-conditioned trolley and looked out those windows.

Lucky for us, restaurants are air-conditioned.

Marty at Doe's Eat Place, Bill Clinton's favourite restaurant. If it has "eat place" in the title, you can't go far wrong.

Huge piles of meat wasn't the only thing on offer in Arkansas this summer. There were also a lot of bugs, plentiful and especially loud with the 14 year cicadas this summer. Visitors from Canada are always impressed with the insect cacophony in our yard. But more than meat and bugs, we also have guns, and as a special treat, Shane's dad Jerry took us all down to his deer camp to fire off all manner of guns.

All of us Canadians, myself included, were firearm first-timers.

It was everything I dreamt it would be.

The only surprise was how extraordinarily bad at shooting I was. I mean, if you weren't there, it is hard to believe that anyone could be as bad as I was.

I was so bad that whenever it was my turn to shoot, Aiden would run up to the targets, because that was the only place to be that was really safe. My father-in-law was quite flummoxed as he would move me closer and closer to the target to no avail. It really reminded me of Colin teaching me how to snowboard years ago: "Why can't you do this? What's wrong with you?" Like I have some congenital snowboarding/shooting deficiency. I sure enjoyed the heck out of shooting though. It was fun to pull the trigger without any idea as to where the bullet would end up. When Marty was teasing me about being a lousy shot, I retorted that I was a friend to the deer. To which Marty replied "maybe the ones that are standing right in front of you."

I have a feeling I will be hearing about this for some time. Maybe I should take lessons on the D.L.

Marty of course, was terribly good at shooting right from the get-go, which is really no surprise. Wendy was a natural too. Wendy and I both liked this little gun best; it had a surprising kick!

That was surprisingly satisfying.

Aiden learning about ammo. He was taking the shells back to Canada for show-and-tell. I bet the rest of the second-graders are going to give him a wide berth this year. He could be packing!

Declan's first hard-core competition.

2011-09-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

While Marty and Wendy were visiting, we decided to go to Leawood Pool for a cookout with some of our LR friends, figuring on having the place pretty much to ourselves on a Tuesday evening. We were pretty surprised to find a full parking lot and a filled-to-capacity pool as it was the night of the neighborhood swim meet. They were having races in all sorts of categories, including with some wee kids, so Shane asked Declan if he wanted to compete in the Under- 6, 25 meter Butterfly". To which Declan replied "I like butterflies!" which we took as assent. It would be his first race ever, and he was excited and ready to go.
He had his very own cheering section!

Unfortunately, the video footage of this historic race is lost forever, having been stolen by gypsies (more on this later). However, I did take enough still photos to give you the basic idea of what went down.

Declan is listening to the prerace instructions. We are full of hope, envisioning medals and glory.

When the referee called "on your marks" and the other competitors bent down for a headfirst entry, I knew we were in trouble.

Here, Declan watches with interest from the sidelines as the other kids dive in.

With the other kids safely on their way, Declan turns to leave.

Shane did manage to talk him into finally jumping in and swimming the race, albeit after the other kids had already finished. We gave him "A" for effort though!

A Timely Visit Report for a Change

2011-08-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

We had an end of summer visit from my sister Lori and niece Mikayla. She and Declan get along like a house on fire. However, he doesn't trust her driving.

Because Lori and Mikayla are from Canada, I had to keep them submerged for the duration of their visit to keep them from melting.

We emerged for a quick trip to the zoo.

In other news, after two solid months of back-to-back bookings, our guest room is vacant again, so come on down for a visit, faithful readers.

Holiday holdover

2011-08-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

We had a great trip, and I will eventually get around to blogging some of the thousand pictures I took, but right now my sister is in town, and you all know how demanding she is, so no time for blogging now. To tide you all over is here is a video of Declan in Italy. He is very much the same guy in Italy as he is in America. Here, he is in Pisa, inviting Shane to "play trade" which is his favourite game when he has something crappy and you have something that he covets.

Las Vegas/TCoNA Trip Report

2011-08-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

Shane and I had an uber-fun trip to Las Vegas this month, leaving Declan behind with Shane's parents for four nights - the longest stretch yet. We have gotten into the habit of going once a year or so for a quick break from everyday reality to the land where nothing sensible is happening, ever. Love it there. We started off this trip with a night at the Wynn. The pool there is just about our favourite way to spend the day - reading by the pool with the occasional cocktail delivered right to our lounge chairs. That's pretty heavenly right there. And there's this strange phenomenon that happens in Las Vegas, and nowhere else, where I feel like whenever I'm doing something that's not gambling- ie., lying by the pool, going to a show, doing some fine dining, I feel like I'm earning about $200/hour. This really enhances my enjoyment of the holiday. Like if I'm lying around at the pool getting paid $200/hr to read trashy novels, how can I afford not to? Sure, it's not particularly rational, but I don't go to Las Vegas for the reason.

Another reason we like the Wynn is that they have some fine restaurants in there. And since Steve Wynn has gone vegan, all the restaurants in his hotels have a full vegan menu. See, vegan friends? There is still a little fun left in the world for you. We opted for the decidedly non-vegan Bartolotta di Mare restaurant for dinner, and loved it.

They fly in fish every day fresh from the Adriatic, and then roll a cart full of it over to your table for you to pick one out. This has got to be the largest carbon footprint of any meal I've ever had. I'd feel bad about that, if it weren't just so darn tasty. We opted for the tasting menu, and one thing that could only happen in Las Vegas, they bring the courses out like 5 at a time, which was weird. They want you to clock out of your $200/hour job of eating dinner and get back out onto that casino floor.

One of the neat things they had were live lagostinas- the only place in the US to get them. Then there were 3 pasta courses, again all brought , and then a whole fish filleted table side. This is the moment where I asked our waiter if he could put it back together cause I forgot to take a picture.

Note that he's butchering the fish with spoons. That's how yielding that fish was. I can't remember what it was, but it was flat and flounderesque and darn tasty.

Then served up with fresh herbs and cherry tomatoes. This was a stupendous meal, and it's really a crime against something that this place doesn't have a Michelin star. Then we left and went and lost some money playing craps. I love craps, even when I'm losing. I like losing as a team.

The next day we moved into phase 2 of our holiday weekend, and left the Wynn in favour of greener pastures downstrip at the Skylofts at the MGM Grand. The Skylofts is a boutique hotel contained in the MGM that is very luxe and service-oriented. They sent a Maybach to pick us up at the Wynn which wasn't really a big deal for me, because I've been in a Maybach lots of times. If by Maybach you mean hatchback. It was the definitively sweet ride, carrying a price tag of approximately 500k. Ouch. All we did the whole way was adjust our seat positions.

You know the car is expensive when it has curtains. As we arrived, we were greeted by a concierge who took us up to our loft for checkin. Along the way, we passed many hotel employees who all greeted us by name. It was like FAO Schwartz just opened and we were the only ones there. It was kind of disconcerting. Once we were checked in, our concierge introduced us to our butler, who came with the loft. I didn't really know what on earth I would do with a butler, but I soon got the hang of it.

Basically, everything that I do for Declan on a day-to-day basis was done for me by the butler. There was one assigned to us around the clock, and you could ring them up and say "I'm on my way back to our room, can you draw me a bath?" and then arrive to find a bath drawn in the infinity edge tub with a bunch of orchids floating on the water, and an assortment of salts and oils lined up at the ready. This was such a treat to me, I can't even tell you. Moving forward, I'm thinking about becoming considerably more high-maintenance.

Another favourite butler service was random snack provision. Without warning or provocation a little snack would appear at unpredictable intervals.

But the best part of butler service is the suave and debonair way in which said butlers would always laugh at my jokes, and treat my every remark as delightfully insightful. These guys were smooth, all day long. When I told Butler Mike that we were in town for the Trivia Championships of North America, I observed that it was probably a much geekier activity than the typical Skyloft resident would engage in, and he ever-so-gently corrected me by saying "our patrons tend to be dynamic, successful people who are drawn to more intellectual pastimes." It was the smoothest thing I've ever heard. Butlers make everything better.

As for the TCoNA, it was the first year that this event has been held. It was organized by Paul Bailey, who is the US coordinator for the World Quizzing Competiiton that Shane has been doing for the past couple of years. There were just shy of 100 registered participants, and all were top flight trivia mavens. It was very stiff competition. In the individual competition, Shane came in 5th, one spot ahead of Ken Jennings, if that gives you any idea of the caliber of the other players. I didn't score high enough to make it onto the results page! We also played Quiz Bowl, forming a team with random passerbys. I loved our motley Quiz Bowl team. We went 1 and 2. Our win was decisive and our losses were heartbreaking. There was a Learned League Live event and a pub quiz, and you all know how I feel about a pub quiz. After the official events were over, we had a little fete in our hotel room, and a game show broke out that lasted until 2AM. That is an unusual Sunday evening for me. It was such an enjoyable way to spend a weekend, to meet so many fun people who share our own dorky proclivities. And when you gather together that many culturally hyper-literate people, the jokes get really, really funny.

It was sad when the time came to climb back into the Maybach for the trip to the airport. It took the prospect of getting to see Declan after 4 days away to tear me away from that butler team. I'm already looking forward to our return to TCoNA v.2 next year.

Last Month's Beach Holiday

2011-07-31T21:31:00.000-07:00

So on account of the Walbergs impending ~~desertion~~ relocation, Nicole and I impulsively decided to take a beach holiday in Destin Florida last month, bringing along our combined three kids for the ride. The 12 hours each way ride that is. Our critical trip miscalculation though lay not in the length of the journey, but in the underparticipation of adults. Our ratio was 2:3 - this was the first time in my life that I've ever had to go to the proverbial zone defence. We did have a secret weapon though- Shane's cousin Amber babysat for us a couple of times, to give Nicole and I a holiday from our holiday. Once we went out for dinner and drinks, and the other time we went to the beach. That was pretty civilized. Somehow looking after 3 kids looked easy when Amber did it.

We spent a lot of time in the pools.

Declan and Abbey had a great time together as usual.

We caught them holding hands while watching a video. Cute!

Abbey's favourite movie is "Enchanted" which features a big waltz scene. She was constantly trying to get Declan to ballroom dance with her, to no avail. That guy is all freestyle, all the time.

The kids were so good we even took them out to actual restaurant. At this one, we had a table overlooking a playground on the beach.

Out for ice cream.

Tormenting the local fauna.

I love this picture- Nicole is so over this carousel.

Beach Photo Shoot

2011-07-31T19:30:00.000-07:00

So there is a thing around these parts where, while on summer holiday, you take your family members, dress them all in white, and have your picture made at the beach. So while in Florida, I tried to shoot some portraits of Abbey and Declan, but they (a) wouldnt stop moving, and (b) had nary a piece of white clothing between them. Plus it was the only time the weather was a little sour, so the sky and water look pretty darn dismal. What are you doing to do? Order fewer copies of the calendar, that's what.

The Fourth of July, 26 days ex post facto

2011-07-30T21:44:00.000-07:00

So at Declan's school, whenever a long weekend is around the corner, there will be a preschool hat parade on the Friday afternoon. This means everyone gets to go home early and get a good jump on the long weekend, and more importantly, involves the crafting of thematically linked hats, which are then paraded about. I love me some hat parade. Here is Declan in his Fourth of July number. For the record, this is not the outfit I sent him to school in- his teachers dug out the canuck shirt and red shorts from his back up potty-training clothes supply to dress him up for the parade. I thought it was at once cute and subversive. My little Canuck!

My Birthday This Year.

2011-07-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

So it is a truth universally acknowledged that I am pro-fuss when it comes to birthdays, including my own. I don't really understand those who actually want their birthdays to pass by without a big to-do. I mean, if you ever do something really meaningful in your life, children will get your birthday off school. Or at least there will be a Google doodle for you. Birthdays are a big deal.

So this year, infertility spoiled my birthday, as it fell right in the middle of another IVF cycle, and with no notice I ended up having to fly out to Denver on my own on my actual birthday. This left us with about 40 minutes at 5 pm on the way to the airport for my grand birthday dinner. I chose El Porton to make use of an expiring Groupon, very glamourous. This could have been a fun family place, but Declan managed to fall asleep in the car on the way. So this was my birthday celebration this year:

Good times.

Although Fortune kindly seated a woman with a dazzling array of "Happy Birthday" balloons right beside me, so that bumped up the festive atmosphere considerably.

It has been all worth it though, as my latest cycle has gone stunningly well so far. After my last two cancellations, Dr. Schoolcraft had told me that that was pretty much predicative of future failure, but I talked him into letting me cycle one more time for closure's sake. With my AMH now less than .1 ngl and a rocking antral follicle count of 1, we are squarely in the tilting-at-windmills territory here, with our chances of pregnancy hovering around zero. However, I once again did 21 days of testosterone priming prior to this cycle, and this time it seems to be working. Right now I have 11 follicles growing, which from an antral follicle count of 1, is some serious loaves-and-fishes miraculous type action. This is the best I've ever done, in our 3 years of trying with assistance. My doctor is absolutely flummoxed with how well my cycle is going. It is fun to surprise a world-leading expert with how strange things things seem to go, wherever I am concerned.

We are still, as always, a long way from baby, but it looks like we will definitely make it to retrieval this time, probably next Tuesday. Hoping to get 6 eggs so we will have enough to "push to blast" - ie. allow the embryos to develop 5 days into blastocytes before getting the deep freeze, instead of freezing at the day 3 embryo stage. I have never made it that far before. Keep your thoughts and prayers coming! In the interim, I am revelling in a lot of spare time while I'm here in Denver by myself. I'm not feeling terrific, but have nonetheless managed to drag my carcass over to Nordstrom's a couple times, so there's life in me yet. Am thinking about going to a movie by myself for the first time ever tonight! Am also contemplating catching up on my blogging...

New Year's Eve, that's right, half way through June, I'm blogging about New Year's Eve.

2011-06-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

New Year's Eve we were going to go downtown for the crazy Playa Del Carmen street party, but we bailed at the last minute in favour of having a quiet dinner at our hotel. After dinner we decided to walk around the resort to survey the festivities. Declan was sporting a Baby New Year Hat, and gold mardi gras beads, so it's no surprise that he was the one to get the party started.

The main stage was set up for a band, and Declan just had to go on up there to start dancing. There was music playing over the loudspeaker, and he just went up there and danced his heart out. Soon he had the dance floor packed and lots of kids up there joining him to rock out on stage.

Rock on!

Xcaret: Everything you could imagine.

2011-06-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

I cajoled the Pridmores into joining us for a day at Xcaret, the Mexican Disneyland. I, arguably, may have oversold it, as the park where whatever you could imagine, could be seen or done there. Swim with Dolphins. Zipline, rodeos, manatee lagoon, monkey island, shark tank, the list went on and on. It turned out that Roscoe could imagine quite a few things that weren't offered at Xcaret, and spent the better part of the day enumerating them to me.

What we did manage to do there was go swimming in an underground river. It took about an hour to get from A to B with Finlay and Declan in tow, but it was pretty cool.

Declan didn't know the Mayan warrior was right behind him poised to pounce. He would not have been too keen about that.

We also got to see the Flying Men of Papantla, one of the cultural attractions at Xcaret. It is a bunch of men playing musical instruments while hanging upside down spinning around a May pole sort of thing. As you do. It is named as a "Representative of Intangible Culture of Humanity" by UNESCO.

Intangible, indeed, eh Roscoe?

Baby turtles!

We hiked through a Jungle River Trail to take a boat ride, that unbeknowst to us until boarding, was supposed to be undertaken in complete silence, as an homage to the natural beauty that surrounded us. Two year olds, it turns out, are not so good with undertaking things in complete silence. Here we are trying our best to hush Finlay and Declan to no avail.

There was a notably childless woman sitting directly behind us who became quite incensed that we could not control our children. She was tsk-ing louder than Declan and Finlay were talking. As soon as the boat docked she jumped off and started writing FURIOUSLY in the guest book. You could see her punctuating from a block away. I am not sure what she wrote, but if anyone goes to Xcaret anytime soon, please have a look and see what she wrote about us. Look for the entry with a lot of underlining.

Some Idiots Abroad: Chichen Itza Edition

2011-06-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

We hired a private guide in Playa del Carmen to take us out to Chichen Itza, which is about a 3 hour drive. It was terribly crowded as we went on a Sunday, which is Mexicans Get into Chichen Itza Free Day. Who knew? The crowds really impeded our novelty photo efforts. but we did what we could. Things I learned- Chichen Itza is a Mayan City established around 600 AD, and is a World Heritage Site and one of the modern Seven Wonders of the World. According to our tour guide, it is also a big pilgrimmage locale for Mormons, who believe that the Second Coming of Jesus already occurred in Chichen Itza.

Declan in front of the Temple of Kukulkan, which is most famous for the serpentine pattern of light that moves either up or down the staircase on the autumnal and vernal equinoxes. There are also some auditory phenomena designed into the Temple, where you stand at a certain spot, and clap your hands, the pyramid will bounce the sound back to you.

This is our tour guide Guidelio. He was very knowledgable about the blood thirsty ways of the Mayans. Pretty much every carving at Chichen Itza is one warrior or another holding up some still-beating heart of a vanquished foe. This is the most drawings of still-beating hearts that I have ever seen.

Here's Declan and Shane in the Mayan Ball Court. Be awhile before Dec can make a slam dunk.

Guidelio also took us swimming in a cenote, one of the system of large underground water pools that were sacred to the Mayans. I couldn't get any good pictures with the crazy light, but the water was so clear, you could see forty feet down to the bottom, and the water was an amazing shade of blue.

We stopped in a quaint Mexican town with a beautiful town square, and had a delicious and authentic meal in a food fair across the street. Too bad I can't remember what the town was, seeing as how I was there 6 months ago.

A Three Hour Tour, or Thereabouts

2011-06-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

So I'm in the midst of planning our summer holidays, and before I can do that with a clear conscience, I must make the blog posts from our last holiday- when we went to Playa del Carmen over New Year's. We had such a great trip, meeting up with our friends Roscoe and Anna, and their son Finlay, who were at the time living in exile in Panama. We got to do quite a bit of sightseeing, and had a great time. One afternoon on our Playa del Carmen holiday we chartered a small boat to take us fishing and snorkelling. It was Declan's special request as he had been watching the boats from the beach and had been asking to go on a boat ride, and it turned out to be one of my favourite parts of our holiday. It was a picture perfect day. We didn't get much of a snorkel in as Declan was not having any of it.

He didn't want to get off our boat for love or money. We did do some fishing though. I caught a red snapper, and Shane and Declan asked that their fishcounts not be publicized here. After a couple of hours on the sea, we were taken to a private beach where we played in the sand and relaxed while our rather grizzly looking captain prepared us lunch. I watched him prepare fresh amberjack ceviche on the back of the boat, and I must say, it was the best ceviche I've ever had. So delicious I can't even tell you. The whole lunch was the best meal we had in Mexico, which in part was due to the beautiful setting I'm sure, but Captain Gritty McGrizzle was definitely a diamond in the rough when it comes to the culinary arts. Who would have thought?

Our divine lunch spot.

Some pelicans came by looking for ceviche scraps.

The view of our hotel from the water.

Celeb Encounter

2011-06-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

At Mac the Neighbour's birthday party, Spiderman made a special appearance. When we first came in, Spiderman was engaging in hand-to-hand-combat with all the older kids, and it freaked. Declan. out. After much cajoling, Spiderman convinced Declan to come within arm's reach. Interesting tidbit- the guy in the suit is an American Idol-in-law, the brother of Kris Allen. He does weddings, parties, anything.

Land-based Days are Behind Us...

2011-06-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

With the heat being in the upper 90s everyday for the last 2 weeks, we have forgone dryland activities, and have embraced the life aquatic again.

Hurrah for summer! Just don't let Declan hear that, as he is quite adamant that it is still springtime. I am looking forward to the solstice so I won't have to be corrected by my 3 year old anymore.

First trip to the Ice Cream Truck

2011-05-31T12:17:00.000-07:00

It was 95 degrees for Memorial day yesterday, so when we heard the siren song of Turkey in the Straw heading toward us, we made a mad dash for the ice cream truck. Declan was pretty excited by this innovation - a truck full of "special treats" roaming randomly around our neighborhood. He clearly thought it was an idea whose time had come. He picked out a Spongebob Squarepants ice cream bar. Whenever given the option, he will pick Spongebob something-or-other, despite having never seen the Spongebob cartoon. What goes on in that little mind, I do not know.

Ground Control to Major Tom

2011-05-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

I have not been as diligent as I should be in capturing Declan on film. I had really wanted to get a video of Declan saying his full name, because he used to pronounce it as "Declan Litlock" and it was very cute, but before I managed to shoot the video, he outgrew it and started saying Whitlock. So when he started referring to his home planet as "Erf" I knew I had to be quick not to miss out.

I want to mummify this moment and preserve it forever, King Tut style. I think it's adorable. YMMV.

Greek Food Festival and Other International Dealings

2011-05-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

We went to the Greek Food Festival, which I always enjoy. It is my annual affirmation that people with kids are desperate for things to do, because the number of people who show up for a gyros and a flea market is truly astounding. They get me every year. This year was another metric of Declan's big boy self being able to attack everything now- including the giant slide and big kid bouncy house.

He also got his very first face painting- something he wouldn't have sat for last year for love or money.

Declan selected his own design- two pink hearts.

Note return of the freckles! I heart summertime!

That night after Declan went to bed, Shane and I ended our three year puzzle battle hiatus. As many of you will remember when I was pregnant with Declan, Shane and I used to buy 2 copies of the same puzzle and race to see who could put it together the quickest. I never won! Never! Not even close. But last night was my night, as we dusted off two copies of a never before completed spherical globe puzzle, and battled for world supremacy. And I won.

Look at my completed globe against the backdrop of all the unassembled pieces on my worthy opponent's side of the table. A victory four years in the making!

My Son, the Comedian.

2011-05-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

Declan's really into making people laugh these days. I have heard reports of his playing the role of class cut-up at school, and we see a lot of the same at home. He will do something funny, and then observe with great self-satisfaction that "I make you laugh." It is very interesting to watch him try and be funny with intention. He has an innate comedic sense, but unfortunately seems to have inherited my propensity to run a bit into the ground. Laugh at one of Declan's jokes, and you can expect to hear it 50 more times.

Here he is at Papa and Yaya's house. He was having his picture taken with Shane's granny who was visiting from San Antonio, and Shane's Uncle Terry told Declan to say "Whisky" instead of "Cheese", which garnered a little chuckle from the viewing audience. That was enough to get him rolling, and keep him rolling long after his photo session was over. Watch him try and amp up interest with a little "Preschoolers Gone Wild" moment after the 20th rehashing. I couldn't be more proud.

Easter - Better late than never.

2011-05-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

We had a fabulous Easter this year. I am blogging about it now, because if I let the time-space continuum dictate when I blog, all these pictures would never see the light of day. So they're a month late. So be it. We started Easter morning off with a visit to church to see Shane's mom play handbells. Then off to Shane's parents' house for brunch and an Easter basket for Declan.

This Easter explosion proves how much Jerry loves his grandson.

Then Declan and I went over to the Hardins for dinner and an Easter Egg Hunt.

Kathleen led the kids in a bunch of games- Duck Duck Goose, Ring around the Rosie and Red Rover.

Red Rover Fail!

Royal Wedding

2011-05-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to be in Denver this weekend, but my ovaries, hereafter and ever more to be referred to "Empty Bags of Fail", did not cooperate. Instead, with about 12 hours notice, I threw together a little impromptu champagne brunch to watch footage of Kate and William getting married. I myself got up in the middle of the night to watch it in real time, but I could not expect the same commitment from my All-American guest list. It really took me back to my childhood, getting up in the middle of the night to watch Diana and Charles get married. I had the clearest intuition at that time that no good could come of a union that began in that dress, that hot taffeta mess:

But Kate got things all kinds of right, including her reception dress. Love.

Perhaps her only mistep was letting her sister Pippa look so good. Regardless, we all enjoyed watching the festivities on this side of the pond, and I hope that the girls in attendance at our little brunch will remember watching a real princess get married. Here's Kate and Abbey nailing the royal wave. You can't teach that kind of elegance.

Everyone got to make their own take-home tiaras. Declan unfortunately was at school while we were celebrating so his crown-wearing came later in the day, but he got two different ones. The first made of grass by our friend Ariel and the second he made himself.

My boy likes a crown.

Pinata!

2011-05-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

Our housekeeper Sylvia bought Declan a giant Lightning McQueen pinata for his birthday party. She often buys him gifts, so much so that when Declan woke up on Easter morning to find a filled Easter basket and presents outside his bedroom door, he exclaimed "look what Sylvia brought me!"

I took a bunch of pictures of the kids taking whacks. I love the way that, regardless of age, gender or temperment, they all seem to get this crazy gleam in their eyes as they try and bring down that industrial strength pinata.

Callun here is telling me that he really really wants to take another turn and make the candy come out. He was so determined.

I like cheeky William here, poised and ready for Sylvia's daughter Karen to rip that bad boy open.